From humour as coping mechanism to mourning relationships, three reflect on how losing someone may change you forever
Actors Sarwat Gilani, Omair Rana, and Naveen Naqvi discussed losses in their lives and those around them, reflecting on how the death of a loved one may take away a part of you forever.
Appearing on a morning show, the three engaged in an emotional and thoughtful discussion regarding death, sharing their respective experiences of losing parents and exploring different aspects of grief, including the role of humour in coping with loss.
Gilani began by discussing her father-in-law’s passing. “When Allah takes something, that love gives you strength. When my husband’s father died, I remember my mother-in-law was completely numb. We had cousins over and everyone was having tea the next day. I feel like those types of environments show you that you have to move on,” she said.
Gilani added, “When my husband was at the graveyard, he spoke on how his father was in a good place, waiting for us. That is how you deal with loss.”
Meanwhile, Rana shared that, alongside moving on in life, the paternal side of his family used humour as a way to cope. “My family has different shades. My mom’s side is very traditional when dealing with loss while my father’s side uses comedy to cope,” he said. He added, “I realised when I was a child that there was a feeling of catharsis with loss. We would be making jokes and people would be weirded out.”
The actor also noted that, for some people, loss is marked through celebration. “My wife and I recently visited Mexico City during the Day of the Dead events. It was just like Eid. We were admiring how they were embracing and celebrating death. It happens once a year and they have each person dedicated for a separate day: the pets, elderly, new-borns, and siblings. They also make their favourite foods,” Rana recalled.
He also emphasised that “verbal history is the way you keep remembering people.” Naqvi agreed, adding that dealing with death is easier because of religion. “Compared to others, we embrace death rather than fear it. We know what is ahead and that there is better in the afterlife,” she said.
Naqvi also shared that her family places great importance on storytelling. “We have a tradition where all the aunts sit with the kids and share the history of who has come and gone. Everyone in the family is an excellent storyteller,” she said.
Discussing the idea of intangible loss, Gilani stated, “There are some things that don’t die or which you don’t lose, such as falling in love or having a certain feeling. It is also a loss but we cannot bury it. It is just out in the universe.” She added, “It is the same in relationships, with friends, people who went far away, or people we had misunderstandings with. This type of loss is intangible and we can’t mourn it.”
Gilani gave the example of an aunt who is no longer part of her life, sharing, “When my aunt and uncle separated, I used to miss my aunt and her kids so much but I couldn’t talk to her because I didn’t want to break a family decision. I would always think about her and wonder if she watches my dramas.”
The actor also shared that she does not feel like the same person she was a year ago and is still grieving the loss of her father, who passed away 12 years ago. “A part of me has been lost and will never come back. And that’s not tangible. When I look inward and up, I remember it,” she shared.
Rana concluded the discussion with a message for viewers: “Think of the time you give your loved ones. We should respect time because life is nothing without it.”